There are times when I think If I sit perfectly still, I can freeze time.. and the simple treasures,that you find in little moments throughout the days and years, will never have an end!! Since my last post we have been given the most precious little soul to care for! I cannot believe that I thought I knew what love was before that exquisite little girl was placed in my arms eleven weeks ago!! I'm not only talking about the love that I have for Charlotte, or for Steve (who I come to love even more every time I see him holding his darling baby girl), but the love that our Father in Heaven has for us in entrusting us with his most glorious creations! I know that he loves me with even more love than my human body can feel for my perfect little daughter! And that brings me to my knees in utter humility and gratitude! I haven't yet documented these most incredible experiences from the past year and decided that it was about high time that I do it (this will take place through several posts)...
Last October, Steve and I had decided that we were ready for a new adventure. I was working at Del Sol and had always wanted to do another internship with them somewhere, so we started looking into doing that as a couple. I had been off of birth control for over a year and had not missed a single period, so we both figured that, for whatever reason, we weren't meant to have kids yet (if at all) and that we needed to get used to a life with the possibility that Kaden would be our only child. We started the interview process with Del Sol and had our final interview Oct. 26th. They told us they would let us know by the end of Nov. where they would be sending us and when we would leave.... I was fairly certain we were moving to the Virgin Islands on the Island of St. Thomas and we were getting really excited about the prospect of living in Paradise for a few years!! The following week, I was supposed to start my period and didn't. I figured maybe it was just a little late and that I would start any day now... One more week went by and I started getting pretty nervous.. I didn't know what was going on and was worried something was really wrong.. Steve told me to wait the weekend and take a pregnancy test Monday morning (because it was better to start the week out knowing if I was prego or not). Monday morning, Nov. 14th, rolled around and no period... so, I got up early, making sure not to wake Steve as I walked upstairs (past my parents with the pregnancy test in my pocket feeling like a 20 pound brick) and went into the bathroom, feeling terrified about what life would be like when I came back out. I got the first response digital test, because I didn't want to have to decode any signs or symbols.. I wanted a 'Yes' or a 'No'... As I waited for the test to process, I was silently freaking out!! I had taken a pregnancy test almost exactly one year prior to this and it came back negative when I was absolutely convinced that I was preg... only to start my period the very next day..so what was I going to do if the same thing happened this time?! The previous year I was only one week late and at this point I was two weeks past due... I figured if I wasn't prego, I needed to see a doctor pronto, because something was seriously not right... I went over to the counter, sweating like crazy, feeling like my stomach was in my throat! I looked at that little oval screen on the test and saw the one word that would change my life forever!! 'YES'! I tiptoed back down stairs like nothing was different from any other day... I walked over to Steve (still snoozing in bed, completely unaware of the insanity going on inside me!) and said, "Babe.." "Hmm", he responded with his eyes still closed. "We're gonna have a baby!", I said with all the control I could muster. What he did next was more perfect than I could ever have imagined! He opened his eyes and a big smile spread across his face.. "Really?!", he said in the sweetest most excited voice I've ever heard! I bent down and hugged him and he pulled me onto the bed.. hahaha..
I went to the doctor's office the next day and sure enough, there was a little bean inside of me! We had agreed that we would wait until Christmas Eve to tell the family. We were planning on doing it as our talent for my family's Christmas Eve Talent Show. That was only 6 weeks away and seemed like a manageable time frame to keep such a secret... For myself at least.. Steve on the other hand, could only keep it between us for another three days. Friday night of that week, we were sitting on the couch watching a movie with my parents and little sis, when he decided he couldn't take it anymore and pretty much blurted the whole thing out to them!! hahaha.. that kid! The rest of the family knew by Thanksgiving (except Nate, whom we told when he called home on Christmas).
I remember the first time I heard the baby's heartbeat.. Like a little truck engine.. haha.. I made Steve record it on his phone and everyone thought it was a car when we would play it for them... The first time I saw our baby, I was 13 weeks along and went in for an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok after I had had some bleeding... I can't even describe how happy and excited I was to see this little being inside me!! I knew right then, that this little angel was the best decision I ever made! Or didn't make..hahaha..
Up until we found out the baby was a girl, Steve insisted that it was a boy! He even made me read about it like it was a boy..haha.. We started talking about names.. all of the boy names that he liked, I didn't... and vice versa...As for girl names, we liked Charlotte and Brooklyn.. he was always leaning more toward Brooklyn, but for some reason, I really felt she should be named Charlotte... so I told Steve I'd make him a deal, If we could name this little girl Charlotte, he could name the next little boy whatever he wanted (Troy James).. So, Charlotte it is!
Pregnancy was not what I thought it would be.. for almost all of my pregnancy, I still felt like myself! There was never a time that I was uncomfortable in my skin, or felt like my body was completely foreign...The first trimester I was constantly sick to my stomach, but almost never threw up... I lost about ten pounds during this time because I could never eat... I do remember that I would have spurts (a few days at a time) when my belly button would be extremely sensitive and painful! It felt as if it was being stretched side to side and being pulled away from any ligaments it was attached to on the inside! It was to the point where anytime I would move, it would kill! I wanted to be shirtless all the time, because just the shirt fabric grazing my navel was excruciating! I would say that was the worst part for me.. that and the horrible gas that would get stuck in my abdomen! haha.. I know.. I know..
But even if it were the hardest, most miserable experience of my entire life, it would all be worth whatever time I have with the most perfect little being I've ever met!
